Oh Baby!

*If this disturbs you then click out and go judge on someone else's blog. *

Last year I spent a lot of my time at a fertility clinic in Laguna Hills. It was painful, expensive, frustrating, humiliating..... you get the idea. There were some weeks that I would have to go in 4-5 times for ultrasounds, blood work and injections.

I would try to work around Isabella's school schedule but horrormones and ovaries have their own agenda, those assholes! Many times Isabella would join me. She still thinks the doctor is holding her baby sister/brother hostage at the clinic. It's a lot to take in for a four year old so we were as honest and upfront as we could be. I even let her help me give shots in my stomach. Ever since trying and failing to conceive another child Isabella has taken an interest in child bearing. She knows about the process in some way and is intrigued. She would have me stuff one of her baby animals up my shirt and she would pretend to be the doctor and help me deliver a baby. Any movie that had a woman giving birth we had to watch that part over and over. I can't remember the ending to Star Trek but I have the beginning of James T. Kirks birth memorized verbatim. Any movie/tv show she would ask if there was a baby part in it. I swear the only reason she got into Glee was because there was a pregnant teenager in it.

One day we were at the Post office and she asked a stranger if she could watch her baby being born. Any woman with a visible tummy she would point and shout "Look mom! A woman with a baby in her tummy! She is beautiful!".

Every night she would ask me to tell her the story of when she was born, and then when I was born. Then I would have to tell her birth story again. Her curiosity was never satisfied.

So being unconventional I thought I would let her see a baby being born. All I had to do was google it and Youtube had everything I needed and more.

I let her watch and I thought that would be the end of it. Instead, she became a woman obsessed. It didn't scare her or gross her out, in fact it did the opposite! She would ask to see babies being born over and over. It became an incentive to cleaning her room to doing her homework. If she acted up she was grounded from watching babies being born. She would ask me " Mom, can I watch babies being born? I have a good attitude."

One night I was downstairs sewing and I heard this weird moaning. I thought Phil was watching porn so I went up to tell him to turn it down when I saw him passed out on her bed. She snuck my iphone and was in her playroom watching a very graphic water birth. There was a lot of blood and the woman was totally starkers!

When her very conservative preschool teacher found out that Isabella liked to watch babies being born I thought her eyeballs were going to pop off. I was embarrassed at her reaction and felt like I was a bad mom. I felt really judged. I don't blame her. If I didn't have my child or life experiences then I would have thought the same thing.

But I do have a child with an unusual curiosity for this type of thing. She doesn't see it as gross, inappropriate or disturbing. She is amazed each time. When she see a vagina she sees the incredible miracle of birth. When a baby takes it's first breath you see life!

I resolved to let this obsession play it's course. Isabella tells me she wants to be a baby doctor. Maybe one day she will be. Who am I to stop her? I will be the one to cheer her on. And one day when she is in medical school, I will feel vindicated from feeling judged for this.

This video is one of the more tamer ones and one of Isabella's favorites. It involves water, babies, dolphins and a belly. Enjoy.